My Big Brave.

Here’s my big brave. I get sad. 

 
Which is surprising to some, because I’m a very happy person and I tell jokes. You’ve never heard of a comic who’s got a mood disorder? Well, in the life lottery I got the occasional blues. I didn’t get asthma, I don’t wear glasses and I don’t walk with a cane. Now, if folks with asthma, glasses, and canes didn’t take their doctor’s advice because they were too embarrassed by the stigma of their “challenge" there would be a lot of folks having serious coughing fits, walking into things and not going for a stroll. So like them, I went to the doctor and got help. 
 
If you suffer from the blues a little too often, check with your doctor. You can get back to you if you reach out.
 
Mindful meditation and antidepressants work for me. Something totally different might work for the next person. I’m not not sad or anxious anymore I can still get down at times, but I have tools now to get me through and manage it. 
 
You are not a failure or a burden. You are one in four human beings who’s chemicals are a little off.
 
If you are a mother you probably have the constant “guilts”. You know that voice in your head that says “You don’t know what your doing.” Or “This baby thing isn’t the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow”. No. No it’s not. It can be sometimes. Sometimes, it’s a shit show and you don’t  get out of your pj’s or brush your teeth for three days and you cry whenever a Celine Dion song is on the radio. 
 
I’m here to tell you, this is exactly how you’re gonna feel sometimes and it will pass. It’s perfectly imperfect and every mother is going through the same level of anxiety and fear.  
 
Now if you just add a dash of depression and /or anxiety to the mix of your simmering crock pot life, it can seem lonely, frightening and hopeless. 
 
This is where you need to hear my writing. 
 
CATCH THE NEGATIVE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD. 
KNOW IT”S NOT REAL.
BE REALLY KIND TO YOURSELF.
BREATHE. GO FOR A WALK. 
GO FOR A COFFEE WITH FRIENDS. 
 
The laundry can wait. Yes that large, filthy never ending motherload will not go anywhere. Neither will the dishes or the ring around the tub. It’ll take a mountain of effort to get out the door but it will make a difference. I promise. I’ve been trying to be kind to myself in a messy, loud house for 10 years. Let’s do it together and be grateful for those good days. And the bad days? Work a little harder, being kinder to the most important person in your world. You. 

Sleeping with my eyes open at some school thing.